This is a story about Ivar.

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 07/28/2017 at 21:12 • Filed to: None

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My freshman year in college, I made friends with an exchange student from Iceland named Ivar. Ivar was fucking crazy. Ivar was an engineeering student.

One day I was walking to the laundry room with a basket full of clothes. Ivar heard me walking down the hall. He opened his door and grabbed me. “You need to see this.” Out of his room was blasting techno. Was I going to die?

“What?”

“THIS!”

“What?”

“THIS. THIS LAMP. I MADE THIS LAMP.”

“It’s... it’s a nice lamp, man.”

“It’s a project. I cast it myself. I fucking killed this. Do you like the music? Do you want to dance?”

“I have to do laundry.”

“That is okay.”

I FUCKING LOVED IVAR.

One time I saw him in the Spring. Her was wearing a cast and hobbling down to CVS “to buy condoms.”

“How did you hurt yourself?”

“Well, you see, I never went to Africa. Have you ever been to Africa? I went to Congo. When you go to Congo, people meet you at the plane. One guy met me and said he was a general. He said for money, he and twelve men would follow me. I said ‘what the fuck do I want with twelve men?’ He said that two go into a bar with you and ten stay outside if there’s trouble.”

One time I saw Ivar looking at maps of western Pennsylvania. I asked him if he was planning in going on a trip. “Yes. I want to find a bear and kill it.” “What will you do with it?” “I will find the bear and bring it back to Iceland.” By this time, we were at our dorm. People were around. I asked him, “what do you hunt in Iceland?” “Mostly deer. Sometimes seals.” The other students were staring; I couldn’t resist.

“How do you hunt seals? Do you club them?”

“Sometimes we club them. When the weather’s nice, I like to lay down on the beach and shoot them with a rifle.” DEATH STARES FOLLOWED.

The last time I saw Ivar was around finals. I was sitting outside writing, because I had a 25 page take-home final due in 36 hours.

Ivar came stumbling up towards our dorm. He looked... not well.

“Are you okay?”

“Cocksucker Russians think they can drink more than Icelanders. We drank a lot of vodka. I drank more. I think they’re dead.”

“Oh... Okay...”

Then he walked passed me and tripped and collapsed on the stairs.

He laid there for about five minutes. Around the time I decided to check if he wasn’t dead and if he needed help, he got up and pulled himself into the dorm.

I never saw Ivar again.

Ivar, if you’re out there, I love you.

R Saldana [|Oo|======|oO|] - BTC/ETH/LTC Prophet > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/28/2017 at 21:33

2

Good story.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/28/2017 at 21:34

7

Let’s all appreciate for a moment that Ivar thought he left at least two dead Russians in his alcoholic wake and he was okay with that. I liked that guy.

My X-type is too a real Jaguar > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/28/2017 at 21:37

3

That’s the best part of the story

Frenchlicker > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/28/2017 at 22:05

3

Ivar sounds like a ducking psychopath beast. Like a good psychopath beast though. There aren’t enough of those around anymore.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Frenchlicker 07/28/2017 at 22:10

2

He was batshit crazy and I loved him

shop-teacher > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/28/2017 at 22:38

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That is fucking fantastic.

AuthiCooper1300 > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/29/2017 at 06:28

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Well, I rather like it.

It is like an old Norse/Scandinavian folk narrative (and I don’t mention this because Ívar was Icelandic): the storyline may go from A to Z, but some stages between A and Z are not quite thoroughly explained, or are indeed missing.

In this case I’d even say it’s open ended: A to X or Y. We don’t get to know his fate.

Stef Schrader > Honeybunchesofgoats 07/30/2017 at 11:22

0

Ivar sounds like a party in man form.